“I say,” said Mr Toad. “I’ve got a jolly jape which will knock the wind out of Sturgeon’s sails.”

“How will you do that, Mr Toad?” said Fluffy.

“Why I’ll completely fabricate a ‘memo’ and use your connections in the Tory press to get the message out,” said Mr Toad, bloating in his own pomposity.

Fluffy nodded his head vigorously, he did love it when Mr Toad came up with one of his schemes. They had worked so well during the independence referendum, especially the wheeze of sending Gideon north to tell those SNP oiks that they couldn’t have the English pound. That was one of Mr Toad’s best ideas and it was Fluffy who had got Gideon on board.

Fast forward £1.4 million pounds and Mr Toad has become Toxic Toad. Nobody wants to go near him, the foul stench of corruption emanates from his every pore. He knew it was coming of course, the cabinet office had already told him.

“I say old chap,” said Jeremy, “but there’s going to be a frightful fuss over that memo that you leaked. We will keep quiet on the issue if you take the heat off of Fluffy. I’m sure that queenie would be VERY happy if you did that.” So Toxic Toad wrote a grovelling wee letter and made a pledge to keep his expense account intact. Not one of those Lib Dem pledges, goodness no, nobody keeps them. This pledge is cast iron, never going to be broken. Toxic Toad wondered what queenie would give him. A knighthood perhaps? Sir Toad, it had a certain ring to it.

Meanwhile, over the river Tweed, Wee Wullie was making a desperate attempt to hang on to the only Lib Dem MP in Scotland. He wrote a wee piece in a squeaky wee Lib Dem voice begging for forgiveness and asking for a second chance. You’d have thought that he would want to stay as far away from Toad’s toxicity as possible, in case some of it rubbed off and polluted his Scottish election campaign. But no, Wee Wullie showed why he is heading for the exit. Now he is smelling of corruption too. Maybe he has something to hide as well? Maybe he was party to the leak?

What say you Wee Wullie? Fit did ye ken?