Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. Poor Wee Willie is stuck with Alistair Carmichael, aka Toxic Toad. Mr Toad, as we all know, is the last Lib Dem MP in Scotland. If Wee Willie gives the toxic one his jotters, he is left with no influence in Westminster. But with the Lib Dems being reduced to only 8 MPs nationally they have very little influence anyway, however losing one eighth of their representation in the palace of Westminster commoners lounge would be a significant blow so it is little wonder that Wee Willie gives Mr Toad his support.

This support comes at a very unhealthy cost for Wee Willie with the Scottish parliamentary elections just round the corner. The people of Scotland are one of the most politically astute electorates on the planet at the moment. We remember what Mr Toad did. He lied to the electorate in order to get himself re-elected. That is an unforgiveable sin. By standing shoulder to shoulder with Mr Toad, Wee Willie is supporting his actions. He is condoning lying in government! He is placing a Soweto necklace around his own neck, ready for next year’s election.

He might have got away with it too if wasn’t for that pesky knight Malcolm Bruce who filled Wee Willie’s Soweto necklace with petrol by saying that all MPs are brazen liars. Who needs enemies when you’ve got friends like him eh? To think that he used to be my constituency MP, what lies did you tell us Malcolm? Did you lie to us about your expenses? Or was it about employing your wife as your secretary? Maybe it was about getting the roof of your house fixed on expenses? We would really like to know. Do you think he’ll tell us? I doubt it. Who is going to vote for a political party who behaves like that? Probably not many.

Is there a match for Wee Willie’s Soweto necklace? I believe that there is: a woman has reported a former Lib Dem MP to Staffordshire Police for sexual abuse while she was a child. She has even waived her right of anonymity. She claims that she was taken to the notorious nonces’ knocking shop Dolphin Square, where the MPs used to stay. That, compounded with the revelations about Cyril Smith, will surely ignite the fuel. All that remains for us is to take bets on how many Lib Dem MSPs will remain out of the current 5.