Category Archives: Conservative

I have a "Special Deal"

The Perma-Tory hell of Brexit

Our beloved leader has cast aside his bestialist ways and got us a super deal which gives us “special status” within the EU. Not that the deal amounts to much, it just tinkers around the edges of immigration policy and benefits. But the PM’s biggest achievement is the exemption of the City of London from any EU regulation. How’s that for light touch regulation? Paul Double, the City of London Remembrancer, will be pleased.

Now we are expected to decide whether we want to stay in the EU in a referendum which is to be held on the anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn, the timing is against the wishes of all of the devolved parliaments and assemblies since the referendum campaign will overshadow the May elections. The referendum will continue to dominate the agenda until then and it will provide a free platform to UKIP which may see their first MSPs at Holyrood.

This referendum is all about the tories and the advance of UKIP who have outflanked them on the right. The tories have always been split on the EU, some tories split from the main party to form UKIP. Tory party grandees fund UKIP and it is they who are driving the anti-EU agenda.

Before we get lost in the EU referendum let’s remember that UKIP want to abolish the Barnett Formula which they conceded in their 2015 manifesto, “…will result in substantial reductions in funding for Scotland.” But hey, that’s OK because we will have some super new powers of our own to compensate for the shortfall. This places UKIP up there with the red tories who want us to raise income taxes in order to mitigate for tory cuts. But they are purple tories after all.

So what would the UK be like if the result of the referendum is to leave?

Well the first thing to go would be those pesky Human Rights that are forced on us from the EU. That would be the end of freedom of speech, we wouldn’t be able to complain about being tortured or having our privacy invaded. The tories would be able to do as they please once the shackles of the European Court of Human Rights are thrown off. We would have no right to life, no right to freedom, no right to property and definitely no right to protest. Goodness no, that would never do.

The next thing to go would be those irritating employment laws, you know the ones that protect the employees from the worst excesses of the employers? So out would go union laws, we won’t be having any of those. Then the tories will make it even easier to get rid of people and as for holiday entitlement, ha ha ha. Pay would be driven down, unless you are a boss of course, and those working conditions would be, how should I put it, improved.

Once you have been booted out of your job and you become “no longer economically active” well, what use are you? You may think that all those National Insurance contributions counted for something but you were wrong. There will be Universal Credit if they ever get the computer system sorted out, but IDS will make it impossible for you to claim it. If you are unable to work through sickness or disability IDS will make you jump through all manner of hoops before declaring you fit to work, so you get nothing. The new benefits regime will be called Work for Freedom.

Did we mention pensions yet? The tories will reduce the state pension but not too much, they do rely on the silver vote after all so it will be nice and subtle. Those other benefits like winter fuel allowance and free TV licences will all have to go, after all we need to pull together now that there’s a war on, spirit of the blitz and all. Didn’t we mention the war? We’ll get to that. The bus passes will have to go, but then pensioners are not economically active so why do they need to get around? As for those company and private pensions, all that lovely cash sitting around is just too tempting to resist, Gideon already has his greedy eyes on that honeypot. After all there is a war to pay for.

Oh yes, the war. Well it turns out that nuclear weapons are no deterrent after all. The £167 billion which was funnelled into arms companies didn’t prevent the war. Well it wouldn’t would it, because war is so much more profitable than peace. If there’s something a tory loves it’s money and cushy non executive directorships, both of which can be had by the bucket load if only the house votes for war.

We’ll need someone to do the dirty work, boots on the ground so to speak. There weren’t many volunteers so the tories re-introduced conscription. Now all our youth must serve in the armed forces, but only working class youth of course. There are lots of exemptions so if you have enough cash your son/daughter will not have to join the slaughter discipline enhancing institutions of the armed forces. Before you know it they will be off to the sand pit with sub-standard kit, made by the lowest bidder, to fight in a perpetual war which cannot be won.

Back home in Blighty there will be fear, lashings of it, all over the MSM. We need to have fear to keep the people in their place you see. There will not be any facts, good lord no. We can’t have the plebs making informed decisions can we? That would never do. The media will do the government’s bidding because they are one and the same. All part of the same establishment because that is what tories stand for: the few at the expense of the many.

The Rt. Hon. The Baronness of Kennington

Let Them Eat Porridge

Tory peer The Rt. Hon. The Baronness Jenkin of Kennington told the poor of the land that their plight was due to their lack of culinary skills, nothing at all to do with the Tories’ ravaging austerity programme. She even said, “I had a large bowl of porridge today, which cost 4p.”

Meanwhile in other news the erstwhile Anne Jenkin, to use her “common” name, sits on the Lords Refreshment Committee which spent £260000 of our money on 17000 bottles of champagne. Their total annual budget is £1.3 million, the equivalent of 32500000 bowls of porridge.

Stamp Duty to £270k

Tories’ Gloat

So Gideon finally gave us his Autumn Statement today even though we are in winter, all those numbers must have gone to his head. He announced that the UK government were going to steal the SNP’s clothes and change the Stamp Duty Land Tax to something close to John Swinney’s system which is due to come into force next April. This change is to be effective almost immediately. The Tories were gloating on social media.

Tory gloat

Tory gloat

I’ll bet that they’re chuffed to bits about that, but is it true?

Stamp Duty to £270k

Stamp Duty to £270k

Not exactly, you wouldn’t expect anything else from the Tories though would you. As can be seen from the graph above the new Scottish system would produce a lower amount of stamp duty until the home sold for £254000. From that point on the new Scottish system will take a larger tax take than the new rUK system.

Stamp Duty to £500k

Stamp Duty to £500k

For seriously expensive properties the picture looks very grim.

Stamp Duty to £6.5 million

Stamp Duty to £6.5 million

But, as can be seen from the bigger picture the new rUK system closely tracks the new Scottish system and both are way above the old system. So it is quite odd that you don’t hear rich folks squealing about the huge extra chunk that’s going to be taken when they buy a new estate in England yet they squealed like fat little piggies when John Swinney announced the change in Scotland. The Tories themselves called it an “assault on aspiration” in this piece. I wonder if they will say the same for Gideon’s new regime?

Anyway back to the Tory gloat, are Scots worse off now? As I mentioned earlier the new Scots system has a lower tax take until the £254000 point where parity is reached with the new rUK system. According to the Registers of Scotland 10 year report the average house price in Scotland is £157476, so most buyers will still be better off. Even in the most expensive city, Edinburgh, the average house price is £216483 so the argument that people will be unfairly penalised in more expensive areas doesn’t hold water. Of course some people will pay more, but that is the point of a progressive tax isn’t it? If you want to buy a Scottish estate so that you and your chums can participate in blood sports then you’re going to have to pay through the nose. Oh well.

Article 6 European Convention of Human Rights

European Convention on Human Rights, Article 6: Right to a Fair Trial

Article 6 enshrines everyone’s tight to a fair trial, including a public hearing, before an independent and impartial tribunal within reasonable time. The article also enshrines the presumption of innocence and other minimum rights for those charged with a criminal offence, such as adequate time and facilities to prepare their defence, access to legal representation, right to examine witnesses against them or have them examined and the right to the free assistance of an interpreter.

Of course this has already happened with the introduction of the Justice and Security Act 2013 which means that you can be charged, tried, convicted and sentenced without knowing of any of the details of the case against you. You will not hear any of the charges against you. You will not get to know any of the evidence against you. You will not be allowed to be present in the court which decides your fate. You will not even hear what your sentence is. The first thing that you will know will be the police coming to your door to arrest you and place you in prison to serve your sentence.

This legislation is in direct contradiction to Article 6, which is probably why the Tories want to get rid of the Human Rights Act so they can chuck whoever they please into prison.