Tag Archives: tory

Never Trust a Tory

The farce that is the UK government gets worse with every passing hour. First of all we had the Irish Conundrum where PM May was about to announce, “I have in my hand a piece of paper,” only to be scuppered by the DUP’s Arlene Foster. It turns out that the text was agreed between the UK and Irish governments but nobody thought to run it past Westminster’s kingmakers first. The DUP weren’t best pleased with it because they want the full Brexit with none of the hash browns and they definitely didn’t want an Irish Sea border with the rest of the UK.

Then we had media darling Ruth “Colonel Rapeclause” Davidson, Saviour of the Union, Slayer of Alex Salmond, EU Refrendum Winner, First Woman on the Moon, giving us her take on the Brexit deal. This was almost the same text as the DUP produced, which isn’t surprising when you think that the Orange Lodge is fully integrated with the DUP and the Tory’s Scottish Accounting Unit. Ruth was only saying what the Grand Master of the Morningside Lodge told her to say. It was surprising how nobody really cared what the Colonel said, apart from the “Scottish” media who gave it a good airing. The Rape Clause supporter has had so many positions on Brexit that you could write a whole new Karma Sutra with them. By touting the DUP’s line she slid the knife into May’s back along with the rest of the Brexiteers, with which May was heard to utter, “Et tu Ruthie.” The Colonel just can’t wait for that safe Tory seat to come up in England so that she can play politics with the big boys and girls in the proper parliament in London.

Today we had the exquisite sight of David Davis, the Brexit Secretary, telling a House of Commons committee that the Brexit Economic Impact Assessments do not exist. These will be the same documents that he said existed a whole 18 months ago and has repeated since. Lets think about that for a moment. If what he said today is true then the Tory government in London has not bothered to work out what the likely economic impacts of Brexit will be, but they will push ahead with it anyway, oh and Davis lied repeatedly. Or, the Assessments do in fact exist but Davis is prepared to lie to parliament in order to keep them hidden safe in the knowledge that his cronies will cover for him and he will endure not the slightest censure. It really makes you wonder what they say, if it was good news then they would have been shouted from the top of Tower Bridge, even if they were not too bad they would have been shouted from Westminster Bridge. As it is they are being kept at the bottom of the Thames where nobody gets to see them. If they exist that is. Either way Davis is a liar, but we’re so used to being lied to that we just shrug and get on with our lives when we should be marching on Parliament and demanding that this government must go!

Then we had the amendments to the Brexit Bill which would guarantee that non reserved powers would be returned to the appropriate parliaments when they are relinquished by the EU on Brexit day. These were voted down by Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish unionist MPs who see London as the centre of the universe and all you plebs in the outer regions are only there to pay taxes and die in penury. You’ll have had your devolution then. Mark my words, come Brexit day the Scottish Parliament and the Welsh Assembly will be abolished. Just like the Northern Irish Assembly has already been.

Philip Hammond has been banned from using the RAF’s Royal Flight aircraft after running up a 6 figure bill which hasn’t been paid yet. Isn’t it amazing that the Chancellor of the Exchequer hasn’t paid for the use of these aircraft on official business? If I was in the EU I would wonder if the UK would honour any Brexit divorce deal.

A little later Hammond gave us another insight into the workings of the Tory cabinet when he told a House of Commons Committee that the cabinet had not discussed the “end state” of Brexit. In other words they have absolutely no idea what they are aiming to achieve with the whole Brexit process. No destination, no road map, no clue! Downing Street “clarified” Hammond’s remarks a little later by saying that they would have a wee chat about it sometime nearer Christmas. 18 months after the EU referendum the Tories still don’t have a clue where we’re going. Why are the people not outraged?

This shower of shit which is laughingly called a government is going to drag us into the darkest sewer of depravity. A place where government ministers will spank the monkey while perusing pornography on their government computers. A place where we will have no human, employment or any other rights. A place where the corporations will be kings and we will be slaves, destined to be worked to death for a pittance with no safety nets of the NHS or any other “benefits.” A place where the filthy rich will get even filthier and richer, and all at our expense.

But the people of Scotland have a choice, we can choose to be flushed down the toilet with the rest of the UK or we can choose to tread our own path. We can choose to be drowned in Tory turds or we can choose to breathe the sweet, nectar filled air of independence. Independence is a state of mind, lets shake off this insanity and take responsiblity for our own lives.

The Irish Conundrum

Who would want to be in Theresa May’s shoes right now? She is caught between the hard rock of the Brexiteers and the harder rock of her Unionist allies the DUP. There she was, about to announce that the whole Brexit thingy was going swimmingly after agreeing to a form of words with the Irish Taoiseach, and even lining up a press conference to have a very public gloat about it, when up pops the prop. That’s Arlene Foster to you and I.

Arlene said that she would never, never, never agree to a soft Brexit on the island of Ireland while the rest of the UK gets a good stiff Brexiting. There’s no way that the hardline Unionists want to miss out on all that fun. So Theresa phones her up and she is told that if she doesn’t change her mind then the whole cash for support deal is as dead Kezia’s TV career (and that’s very dead). Rumour has it that Theresa turned paler than a disabled veteran waiting for their Universal Credit payment.

What’s a failed PM to do? Well she could call the DUP’s bluff and say, “I couldn’t give a XXXX about you Foster, or your bigoted wee party or your 10 votes that keep me and my knife wielding chums in the manner to which we’ve become accustomed,” and cut the deal anyway. This would give the DUP what they want on the frictionless border between the north and the south but also give the DUP what they don’t want in a border in the Irish Sea between the island of Ireland and the remaining islands of the United Kingdom. The DUP could call May’s bluff and withdraw support for the Tories in Westminster and kiss goodbye to their £1bn bung (as if they would ever see it, it’s Tories they’re dealing with after all). This would result in the collapse of the Tories and another general election, which Labour would probably win, and a friend of Sinn Fein as Prime Minister. Never, etc. They would also lose their influence over the Brexit debacle and we know that they don’t want to miss out on any of that self flagellation. But we know that Tories love power, so there’s absolutely no way that the PM would risk the bluff in the first place.

So May could say, “Look EU, there’s no way that we’re going to put up any borders in my precious Britain. So you can stick your poxy trade deal and we’ll go for full Brexitisation.” This would result in a hard border between north and south Ireland, which is what the DUP don’t want, and no border in the Irish Sea which the DUP do want. At least this way the co-religionists would be able to self flagellate with the thorniest of Brexits when the EU call No Deal. Unfortunately for Arlene and the DUP, that’s not what the people of Northern Ireland want; they want to remain in the EU and have no border between north and south. But Arlene doesn’t care because there is currently no Northern Ireland Assembly and Northern Ireland is under direct rule from London (largely due to her own involvement in the Cash for Ash scandal).

Other people may care though, like the businesses who would be unable to have frictionless trade with the Republic of Ireland, or the terrorists who stopped bombing and killing because there was no border, or the majority of people in Northern Ireland who voted to Remain within the EU. They would be up in arms (quite literally for some of them.) They would demand a vote on the re-unification of Ireland which they would probably win. That would mean the end of the UK as we know it. At least it would be long after May is ousted from office so she wouldn’t have to carry the can for it.

The PM could realise the impossibility of Brexit and call the whole thing off, which would probably result in her saying, “Et tu Boris, et tu Gove, et tu Jacob, etc.” as she is repeatedly stabbed by her own party.  Again, we know that Tories love power so there’s no way she’s going to take the knifing for the good of the country or even resign and let some other mug carry the can (that’s her job after all, followed by a retirement gracing the red leather of the House of Lords no doubt.)

The only logical solution is for the UK to remain within the Customs Union and probably the Single Market. This would mean no border between the north and south of Ireland and no sea border between the islands of Ireland and the rest of the islands of the UK. This would be acceptable to the DUP but they also want that hard, thorny Brexit to bash themselves about with, so they won’t be going for this option either. Cue the fall of the Tory government.

My feeling is that the PM will say, “You EU types are being jolly difficult so we don’t want to have a deal with you.” The DUP will be delighted that they got their Brexit whip, but dismayed that they will have a southern (and western) border. May will be knifed by her own party and there will be another general election, which Labour will probably win. The DUP won’t get their bung after all and they will lose all their influence in Westminster. Meanwhile Corbyn will start negotiating with the EU but it will be too late and the UK will crash out of the EU with no deal. Cue the break up of the UK, at least it will be Labour’s fault.

I have a "Special Deal"

The Perma-Tory hell of Brexit

Our beloved leader has cast aside his bestialist ways and got us a super deal which gives us “special status” within the EU. Not that the deal amounts to much, it just tinkers around the edges of immigration policy and benefits. But the PM’s biggest achievement is the exemption of the City of London from any EU regulation. How’s that for light touch regulation? Paul Double, the City of London Remembrancer, will be pleased.

Now we are expected to decide whether we want to stay in the EU in a referendum which is to be held on the anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn, the timing is against the wishes of all of the devolved parliaments and assemblies since the referendum campaign will overshadow the May elections. The referendum will continue to dominate the agenda until then and it will provide a free platform to UKIP which may see their first MSPs at Holyrood.

This referendum is all about the tories and the advance of UKIP who have outflanked them on the right. The tories have always been split on the EU, some tories split from the main party to form UKIP. Tory party grandees fund UKIP and it is they who are driving the anti-EU agenda.

Before we get lost in the EU referendum let’s remember that UKIP want to abolish the Barnett Formula which they conceded in their 2015 manifesto, “…will result in substantial reductions in funding for Scotland.” But hey, that’s OK because we will have some super new powers of our own to compensate for the shortfall. This places UKIP up there with the red tories who want us to raise income taxes in order to mitigate for tory cuts. But they are purple tories after all.

So what would the UK be like if the result of the referendum is to leave?

Well the first thing to go would be those pesky Human Rights that are forced on us from the EU. That would be the end of freedom of speech, we wouldn’t be able to complain about being tortured or having our privacy invaded. The tories would be able to do as they please once the shackles of the European Court of Human Rights are thrown off. We would have no right to life, no right to freedom, no right to property and definitely no right to protest. Goodness no, that would never do.

The next thing to go would be those irritating employment laws, you know the ones that protect the employees from the worst excesses of the employers? So out would go union laws, we won’t be having any of those. Then the tories will make it even easier to get rid of people and as for holiday entitlement, ha ha ha. Pay would be driven down, unless you are a boss of course, and those working conditions would be, how should I put it, improved.

Once you have been booted out of your job and you become “no longer economically active” well, what use are you? You may think that all those National Insurance contributions counted for something but you were wrong. There will be Universal Credit if they ever get the computer system sorted out, but IDS will make it impossible for you to claim it. If you are unable to work through sickness or disability IDS will make you jump through all manner of hoops before declaring you fit to work, so you get nothing. The new benefits regime will be called Work for Freedom.

Did we mention pensions yet? The tories will reduce the state pension but not too much, they do rely on the silver vote after all so it will be nice and subtle. Those other benefits like winter fuel allowance and free TV licences will all have to go, after all we need to pull together now that there’s a war on, spirit of the blitz and all. Didn’t we mention the war? We’ll get to that. The bus passes will have to go, but then pensioners are not economically active so why do they need to get around? As for those company and private pensions, all that lovely cash sitting around is just too tempting to resist, Gideon already has his greedy eyes on that honeypot. After all there is a war to pay for.

Oh yes, the war. Well it turns out that nuclear weapons are no deterrent after all. The £167 billion which was funnelled into arms companies didn’t prevent the war. Well it wouldn’t would it, because war is so much more profitable than peace. If there’s something a tory loves it’s money and cushy non executive directorships, both of which can be had by the bucket load if only the house votes for war.

We’ll need someone to do the dirty work, boots on the ground so to speak. There weren’t many volunteers so the tories re-introduced conscription. Now all our youth must serve in the armed forces, but only working class youth of course. There are lots of exemptions so if you have enough cash your son/daughter will not have to join the slaughter discipline enhancing institutions of the armed forces. Before you know it they will be off to the sand pit with sub-standard kit, made by the lowest bidder, to fight in a perpetual war which cannot be won.

Back home in Blighty there will be fear, lashings of it, all over the MSM. We need to have fear to keep the people in their place you see. There will not be any facts, good lord no. We can’t have the plebs making informed decisions can we? That would never do. The media will do the government’s bidding because they are one and the same. All part of the same establishment because that is what tories stand for: the few at the expense of the many.

Quisling scum

Did you see it? You could hardly miss it. Some graffiti was sprayed onto the Conservative and Unionist Party office and Labour Party office in Aberdeen sometime on Friday night. The perpetrators sprayed a nazi symbol (the wrong way round) with the word “scum” above on a window and a large letter “Q”, allegedly representing the word “Quisling”, on the door of the tory office on West Mount Street. The Labour party office got a “Q” sprayed on its’ door. Here’s what local tory councillor Ross Thomson had to say about it on Twitter:

Graffitti on Tory Office

Graffiti on Tory Office (Picture courtesy of Cllr Ross Thomson)

This was immediately picked up by the unionist press, with the P&J being one of the first out of the blocks. They provided a space for the esteemed councillor to air his views unchallenged. He said, “It shows the ugly side of nationalism and it is really sad to see this happen in Aberdeen.” Now the councillor is entitled to his opinion, but to immediately blame “nationalists” is going too far. Does he have proof? If so the culprits would be caught by now, wouldn’t they?

Once they were caught we would expect to see them on the front page of every unionist media outlet in the land (that’s most of them). We would expect the book to be thrown at them very hard, wouldn’t we?

But I reckon the culprits will never be caught. Why? Cui bono: who benefits? The councillor certainly benefited from lots of unopposed air time. The Tories and Labour benefited by making the nationalists look bad. The press benefited by selling lots of copy and getting more page views. The whole unionist cause benefited. In fact the only people not to benefit are the nationalists. Fancy that?